What to do when your mother-in-law controls your husband

  • 7 mins read

So you’ve finally got your man to marry you. The wedding was perfect, the honeymoon was a dream, and now life is unfolding right before your eyes. What is going on? Your mother-in-law controls your husband. He is just another mummy’s boy.

Relax! I know how difficult it can be when someone doesn’t show they respect you. And I’m sure that your mother-in-law is not trying to be mean, but she might just be afraid of losing control. It sounds like you’re in a position where you feel like you should do something about it, but don’t want to lose your marriage over it. I understand because my husband’s relationship with his mother was the same until we got together and had kids together. Now that we have kids, his mom respects us more because we’re working as a team rather than just two people who are trying to raise children together.

What to do when your mother-in-law controls your husband?

when your mother-in-law controls your husband

Your mother-in-law controls your husband but you don’t know what to do about it. You decided you needed the help of someone who really understands and has been there before, so that’s why you’re reading this guide.

Honestly, you can’t control who you fall in love with and marry, but you sure can control how you handle your disagreements. So if your mother-in-law has hijacked your husband, what are some things you can do about it? Let’s consider three actions…

Talk to your spouse

when your mother-in-law controls your husband

If you’ve ever dealt with a mother-in-law who controls your husband, you know how frustrating it can be. They are just so stubborn, and they always have an opinion about everything. There is nothing you can do to convince them otherwise; they will always have the last word.

But there’s one thing that we all need to remember: our husbands are not our mothers. They don’t think or act like their mothers, and they don’t want to be controlled by anyone either. So if your mother-in-law is telling your husband what to do, he probably wants to do what she says, but he can’t because he loves you too much!

So the next time your mother-in-law starts giving orders, talk to your husband about how his behavior is negatively impacting your marriage. Let him know that you love him and want him to feel free from control so that he can be happy with the life choices he makes for himself—not for anyone else!

It’s not always easy to get your spouse to see things your way, especially when his mother is involved. So what do you do when your husband refuses to listen to you about how his mother’s controlling behavior is affecting your marriage?

The first step is to talk it through with him. Explain that even though it can be hard to make him see things from your perspective, you want him to know how important this issue is to you and how much it impacts your relationship with him. Let him know how much it hurts when he agrees with his mother over you or makes decisions without informing you first. Make sure he knows that if he continues down this path, it could lead to serious problems in the future.

You need to have a conversation with your mother-in-law.

This is an important step in the process of reclaiming your husband’s attention—and your marriage. It will probably be one of the most difficult conversations you’ve ever had to have. But it’s also an opportunity to improve your relationship with your husband and strengthen the bond between you and your mother-in-law.

So how do you go about having this conversation?

when your mother-in-law controls your husband

You’ll want to start by approaching it from a place of vulnerability. Your husband may not be happy with his mother’s behavior, but that doesn’t mean he wants her to change. If you come at this from a place of being upset by what’s going on, he’ll feel like he has no choice but to defend his mother or leave you alone altogether.

Instead, approach the conversation from a place of understanding: maybe she didn’t realize how much time she was spending with him; maybe she feels like she has been left out; maybe she just wants more quality time with her son now that he’s married (and has children).

You have to find ways to communicate with your mother-in-law about what’s okay and what’s not okay for you as a couple. For example, if she’s always telling you how to raise your kids, you could explain that you don’t need her advice and that she should only give it when asked.

If your MIL is critical of everything you do, try to get her to talk about herself and her past instead of focusing on you. You can even ask her questions about herself or tell her stories about what happened in your family growing up that she might not know about yet.

It’s important to be kind and respectful in the way you approach your mother-in-law. A good way to start is by asking her what she thinks. Ask her if she believes that she has overstepped her boundaries, or if there are ways that she could better support you as a daughter-in-law.

You can also tell her how it makes you feel when she treats you this way. For example, in my case, I told my mother-in-law that I feel like she doesn’t respect me because of the way she talks down to me and acts like what I say doesn’t matter even though I’m an adult living with them (on their dime).

It can hurt when someone doesn’t show they respect you, but sometimes people are only doing it because they are afraid of losing control.

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Create Boundaries and Enforce Them

Do you know what’s the worst? When your mother-in-law comes over to your house and starts telling you how to do everything. You know she means well, but it’s just so annoying—and it makes you feel like a failure as a wife.

But there are ways to get her off your back! Here are some tips:

  1. Make sure your husband knows what boundaries are and why they matter. Your husband should know what he can and cannot say in front of his mother. You don’t need him running around telling her about every time he has sex with you or whatever. It’s a private thing! Encourage him to tell her “no” when she makes demands that go against your values or wishes.
  2. Establish clear boundaries for your husband with his mother, including things like not giving her money and not letting her boss him around at work. If she wants to go somewhere with him when she visits, make sure it’s somewhere fun (like the beach!) rather than somewhere boring (like church!).
  3. Establish clear boundaries for yourself with your mother-in-law, including things like not letting her into the house without knocking first and always having snacks on hand when she drops by unexpectedly (I’m looking at YOU, cupcakes).
  4. If things get heated, take a break—you don’t want any drama between you and his mom at family gatherings!
  5. Don’t take it personally when she gets upset with you—she loves her son and will always put him first, even if it means putting herself second in some cases!


So, there you have it: The best way to deal with a controlling mother-in-law is to have your husband confront her. But if that doesn’t work, then it’s important to remember that you can still find ways to communicate with her about what’s okay and what’s not okay for you as a couple. Remember: Everyone has their own unique relationship with their mother-in-law, so there is no one size fits all approach! I hope this article has given you some helpful tips on how to deal with the situation if it’s happening in your life today (or maybe even helped give some insight into how others might be handling theirs). Good luck!

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