So, you’re single.
Maybe you’ve been single for a while, and it’s starting to get lonely. Or maybe this is your first time being single since high school and you’re just as confused as I was when I got dumped on my 21st birthday (a story for another day).
Either way, being single sucks sometimes—but it doesn’t have to! You can learn how to be your own partner and find love in the process. In fact, there are tons of reasons why people stay single: some of them are out of their control, but many are things we can change ourselves if we know what needs changing.
Once you figure out what’s holding you back from finding true love (or even just a good date), then it’ll be easier for you to get over those things so that your dating life finally gets off the ground again!
10 Biggest Reasons You’re Still Single & How To Fix It
1/ You’re too picky.
You want a partner who is tall. You want a partner who is athletic. You want a partner with the same religion as you, who will go to church with you every Sunday. Or maybe you want some rich and well-positioned partner. That’s fine and dandy, but that isn’t how real life works. There is no perfect human being out there for everyone—and even if there were, it would take them forever to find YOU because YOU’RE TOO PICKY!
And if by chance you find someone who meets all of your criteria (a tall, athletic person with the same religion as yours, rich or educated) then guess what: They’ll be totally unhappy because they didn’t get their way on everything. This person will have nothing in common with you besides the fact that they pass all those silly tests you’ve set up for yourself and anyone else looking for love in this world. Your standards may seem reasonable at first glance but once we delve deeper into our own psyche we realize just how unrealistic these expectations actually are; especially when it comes down to finding someone special enough for us to spend our lives together.
2/ You don’t go out enough
You might be a little shy and hesitant to branch out, but if you want to meet someone, you need to get out there. You can’t sit at home waiting for them to come knocking on your door. You’ll be surprised how easy it is when you’re actually out there in the world interacting with other people instead of just sitting around waiting for something that may or may not happen.
One thing that’s helped me combat this fear is going out with friends who are more outgoing than I am (which most people are). They’re always ready for a night on the town, so I’ve started going along with them from time to time when I’m in the mood for socializing and meeting new people. You too can do the same.
3/ You compare everyone to your exes
You don’t want to repeat history, so you’re holding out for someone who looks and acts just like the last person you dated. But what happens when you decide this person isn’t perfect? You’ll move on to the next one, who also isn’t perfect—and so on. Instead of searching for a carbon copy of your past loves (or anything else), focus on what YOU want in a partner: Is it tall or short? Funny or serious? A little bit older or younger? There’s no right answer here—just make sure that whatever it is, it works well with YOU!
And don’t forget: You can always change your mind later. If you meet someone who seems like they’re exactly what you want, but then they turn out to be not so great after all, that’s no reason to give up on love. Keep looking for someone who makes your heart feel happy and whole!
Stop comparing everyone with your ex. If your ex was so good, maybe both of you will still be together by now.
Read Also: This Is What Your Ex-Boyfriend Is Doing Right Now
4/ You’re not putting yourself out there
As I mentioned earlier, the biggest mistake you can make is sitting on your hands and waiting for something to happen. If you want to meet someone, you need to put yourself out there—and that’s true whether it’s in real life or online.
Okay, let’s say you have a profile on a dating website but haven’t logged in for months, that might be one reason why nothing has happened yet. How do you expect to find a date then? Sign back into the site (or create a new one) and start messaging people who seem interesting! Don’t be afraid of looking silly or getting rejected—as long as it’s not an outright insult or accusation of harassment, most people don’t mind being messaged by strangers online… just keep it light-hearted and friendly if possible.
You should also consider joining events put on by Meetup groups or other local organizations where singles hang out together–it doesn’t hurt knowing what events are going on near where they live (and they could potentially attend too). In addition to making friends outside their comfort zone in social settings like these – which can help boost confidence when meeting potential dates later down the line – this provides valuable opportunities for practicing conversation skills with potential love interests before even asking them out!
You may like: 9 Ultimate Tips For Finding Your Soulmate Online
5/ You’re focusing too much on meeting new people
You might be a hopeless romantic and that’s okay. The problem is, that you may be focusing too much on finding the perfect match and not enough on meeting new people. Remind yourself that just because they aren’t your ideal match now doesn’t mean they won’t be later. This mindset will help you open yourself up to dating others who are also looking for something different in their partner—and it may just lead to something great!
6/ You’re afraid of getting hurt
As much as you want to find love and be in a relationship, the fear of being hurt again keeps you from making yourself vulnerable to another person. If this is true for you, it’s important to keep in mind that you can’t stop yourself from falling in love. You need to be willing to take risks if you want to find love and create a healthy relationship with someone else.
It’s also important that you figure out what kind of person(s) would be right for a long-term partnership—you should know who they are before they enter your life—and then decide whether or not it would be worth taking the risk (and potential heartbreak) with them. Once again: if being single feels better than getting into another bad relationship or ending up alone forever because no one wants anything more serious than casual sex with someone else who doesn’t seem interested in anything real either, then go ahead and stay single!
Read Also: Simple 7-Step Plan to Overcome a Relationship Breakup
7/ You choose comfort over love every time
You’re afraid you’ll get hurt again, or that you won’t be able to handle being alone if things don’t work out. Or maybe you’re just not ready to settle down and are still trying to figure yourself out first. These are all valid reasons; they just don’t make for a healthy relationship with another person because they’ll keep them from getting close enough for the both of you to be happy together.
Your fear is coming between you and happiness—whether it’s your own or someone else’s. If this sounds like something that could apply to your life, start small: try taking risks in other areas of your life first so that when it comes time for dating again, those fears won’t hold such a strong grip on you anymore!
8/ Your standards are too high
Your standards are too high. Convincing yourself that your standards are set out of a desire for the best is what makes you think you’re being picky, but it also means that you’re not accepting people who might be good for you. If you lower your standards just a little bit (and I mean only a little bit), then there will be more people who match them and therefore more chances for you to find someone with whom to spend your life.
If we were to say “a little bit lower” and mean it, then what would that entail?
Well, let’s take an example from my own life: I had been dating ladies who fit all the criteria on my list of “ideal girlfriends.” They were beautiful, intelligent, well-educated, and kind—but they also drove me nuts! The reason was that they didn’t challenge me enough or push my boundaries in any way whatsoever. That’s what I needed at the time: someone who wasn’t afraid of conflict so she could help me open up (which ultimately led us down different paths).
I hope you get the gist.
9/ Your relationship skills are rusty
It’s hard to find love when you’re so focused on finding that perfect person. You need to let some guys in, so you can see how much better things are than what you think they are.
Be more open to dating: If the only type of man who interests you is an extremely confident alpha male with witty banter and a winning personality, then yes, it will be hard for anyone else to compete with these imaginary standards. The less selective you are about who’s out there dating and looking for love (and just because someone doesn’t seem like the ideal match doesn’t mean they’re not good enough), the more likely those people will find their way into your life!
Be assertive: Women tend to be more passive than their male counterparts when it comes down to showing interest in others – whereas men tend not only to show interest but also to ask questions about potential partners’ lives (creating opportunities for conversations). Being more assertive means taking advantage of these opportunities without being pushy or aggressive – which could deter potential dates from wanting another chance at getting acquainted later on down the road!
10/ Your idea of the perfect partner doesn’t exist in real life
When it comes to finding the perfect partner, you need to be honest with yourself about what you can and cannot do. If your idea of the perfect partner involves a guy who is tall, muscular, rich, and good-looking, or a woman who is beautiful, curvy, rich, and down to earth, then that’s fine—but it’s also important to recognize that these traits are not realistic for most people.
If you’re looking for a partner who is perfect in every way, expect disappointment. It’s more likely that someone will start out as an ideal match but then turn out to have flaws later on down the road.
It’s better to be realistic about what you want and then work on finding someone who has most of the qualities you’re looking for. If someone has all of them, great! But if not, that’s okay too. Instead of trying to find a perfect person, focus instead on finding someone who treats you well and cares about you as much as you do for him or her.
Know why you’re still single and what you can do about it.
Knowing why you’re single is the first step to fixing it. You can’t fix something if you don’t know what’s wrong. If you’re still single, this guide can help you figure out what’s going on and how to change it.
Here are some reasons why you’re still single:
- You’re too picky. If everyone is as picky as you are, maybe it will take forever for you to connect.
- You don’t go out enough. Nobody will bite you. Go out there and meet people unless you have some magic to bring them to your house. If you do, you won’t be single by now in the first place.
- You compare everyone to your exes. Even though you’re ex may be great, think, why didn’t they stay and work it out?
- You’re not putting yourself out there, Don’t always wait for them to make the first move. Put yourself out there and see what is in for you.
- You’re focusing too much on meeting new people. If you want to meet all the people on earth before you can decide who’s good for you, you will waste your entire lifetime and not get a single result. Come on, there are over 7B people on earth. You can’t date them all.
- You’re afraid of getting hurt, It’s good to protect yourself but don’t be afraid to love again. Not everyone is like your ex.
- You choose comfort over love every time. Fear is the biggest enemy of progress.
- Your standards are too high. Lower your standards a little but don’t forget to preserve your values.
- Your relationship skills are rusty. Spice up things. If you don’t know how to, then check out our blog here. We have lots of resources to help you. Also, join us on Instagram and Facebook so you could interact with like minds.
- Your idea of the perfect partner doesn’t exist in real life. If only we can all mold our desired partners by ourselves… but we can’t. So chill and set realistic expectations.
We hope the above list is helpful for anyone who feels like they’re struggling to find love. If it feels overwhelming or likes too much work, don’t worry about all of these things at once. Instead, just focus on one thing at a time until you start seeing results!