It can be so frustrating…even heartbreaking to admit that you’re not getting what you want in a relationship. However, it doesn’t have to stay this way. Let me share with you 5 surprising reasons you’re not getting what you want in a relationship.
We have all been there before. We want something to happen, but it doesn’t. The more we try the more frustrated we become. It’s happened to me and I know people who have gone through a cycle of this.
We are told to be ourselves. To not change or apologize for who we are. So how come it often seems that being ourselves is the reason why we aren’t getting what we want in relationships? Or are you not thinking what I am thinking?
If you having a tough time in your relationship, or your relationship and/or love life slowed down, or maybe it has reached the stage that your partner takes you for granted. If so, you are not alone. Many people have successful relationships but still, have crummy love lives. Or even worse, their love lives are great, but their relationships suffer. I know because I’ve been there.
Why are you not getting what you want in a relationship?
If you’ve ever been in a relationship, chances are you’ve experienced the frustration of not getting what you want. In fact, we’d guess that most people have at least one relationship where they feel like they’re not getting what they need. So why is this happening?
Well, it’s probably not because the other person is a jerk who just doesn’t care about you. It’s more likely that there are some things going on in your life that are causing you to behave in ways that make it difficult for the other person to meet your needs.
1. You’re treating it like a game
One of the most common reasons why people don’t get what they want from their relationships is because they treat them like games—and it’s easy to do! After all, if you haven’t had much luck with dating before, it might be tempting to go into new relationships with an attitude of “let’s see how long this one lasts.”
But that’s not good for anyone in the long run. If you treat every relationship like a game, then eventually people will catch on and stop taking things seriously with you—which means less opportunity for genuine connection and more time wasted on people who aren’t worth your time (or theirs). So if this sounds like something
So if you’re not getting what you want in a relationship, it’s probably because you’re treating it like a game.
Relationships are not games, and they’re not guaranteed to work out. But if you want to give your relationship the best chance at succeeding, there are some things you need to do—and some things you need to stop doing.
One of the biggest factors that will determine whether or not your relationship works out is whether or not you are willing to put in the effort necessary to make it succeed. If you want something badly enough, anything can happen.
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2. You’re not giving what you want to receive
You’re not getting what you want in a relationship because you’re not giving what you want to receive.
You might be wondering, “Why on earth would I want to give someone something they couldn’t possibly offer me?”
It’s true: those who are good at receiving gifts and attention are often the ones who have the most fun in relationships. If you’ve ever been around someone who is always asking for more and more attention, affection, or even just a shoulder to cry on when they feel like it—and then actually seems to get what they want—you know how powerful this can be.
But if you’re not willing to give it up, all that power is wasted on one person: YOU! So if you want to really make headway in your life—if you want to start building a stronger relationship with yourself and others—you need to start paying attention to what YOU need.
You may think that if you act like a person who wants to be in a strong relationship, then others will take notice and want to be in one with you too. That’s not how it works though! You’ve got to actually BE the person who wants this kind of relationship before anyone else will see it in you. And if you’re not giving what you want to receive, then this won’t work out for you either.
Read Also: Tips to help you build stronger relationship
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3. You’re focusing on what you don’t have.
When you’re in a relationship, it can be tempting to focus on all of the things that are wrong with your partner and how they could be better. You might notice the way their eyes crinkle when they smile at you and think about how much more beautiful they would be if only those wrinkles were gone. Or maybe you notice that their laugh is a little too loud and then find yourself thinking about how embarrassing it would be if people heard them on the street.
But focusing on what’s missing is going to get you nowhere fast.
It’s easy to focus on the little things that bug us about our partners—their annoying habits, their inability to clean up after themselves, their tendencies to be late or overly sensitive. But these traits aren’t worth losing out on something great just because they’re slightly irritating! Remember: if something isn’t broken, there’s no need for repair work.
The truth is, if we keep putting those kinds of thoughts on our partners and our relationships, we’ll never see them grow into something bigger than they already are! If something is bothering you about your partner or your relationship, talk to them about it! Don’t keep it bottled up inside because then it will only fester and take over everything else that’s going on around it.
4. Your Standards Are Unrealistic
When it comes to relationships, we all have our own idea of what we want. But sometimes, we end up settling for less than we deserve because of the belief that some things are just not possible—and that’s a problem.
If you’re not getting what you want in a relationship, maybe your standards are too high. Maybe you think that Mr. Right should be rich, handsome, and funny all at once. Or maybe you’re looking for someone who is perfect in every way, which is impossible.
Try lowering your expectations and making peace with imperfections in your partner. You might be surprised at how much better things get!
5. You don’t know what you want
You’re not getting what you want in your relationship because you don’t know what you want.
We know, we know—that sounds like a bunch of psychobabble. But it’s true! If you don’t know what it is that will make you happy in a relationship, then you’re not going to be able to find that thing, and that thing alone won’t be enough to make up for all of the other things wrong with the relationship.
So how do you figure out what makes you happy? Start by trying on different ideas for what would make your life better—and then see if those things are compatible with being in a relationship (and vice versa). For example:
-If I had more money, I would buy myself a new car. But my partner doesn’t drive so they wouldn’t use it much anyway.
-If I had more time, I could spend more time with my friends and family or pursue some hobbies or career goals outside of work. But my partner works long hours and doesn’t want me spending any time away from them after work hours either…
You’re not getting what you want in your relationship for one simple reason: You don’t know what you want.
There are a lot of reasons why people stay in relationships that aren’t working for them. They could be codependent, they could be afraid of being alone, they could be afraid of hurting the other person’s feelings, or they could simply be bored. But the most common reason is that they don’t know what they want.
Some of our community members often tell me that their partner isn’t meeting their needs and that they need to leave the relationship. But when I ask them what their needs are and how their partner isn’t meeting them, they have no idea. They’ve never taken the time to think about it because they aren’t really sure what it is they’d like to get out of a relationship — other than someone who loves them unconditionally and makes them happy all the time (which doesn’t exist).
If there is anything I have learned throughout the years of my work with couples, it’s that we are usually our own worst enemy in a relationship. We undermine ourselves in relationships by making excuses, not communicating our needs and desires, believing lies that keep us stuck in unhealthy behaviors, and pretending to be someone we aren’t. Critical communication and strategizing with your partner will increase your chances of success significantly. As a couple, you need to find ways to connect emotionally and communicate openly and honestly with each other about your needs and expectations to be happy and successful together.
If you want to improve your relationship, then it might be time to put some extra work into it. There’s no way around it. If you want a better partner, partner, friend, or family member; you need to be willing to give more of yourself as well. You need to think about what you really want out of the relationship in all aspects—and then take action. This doesn’t mean that you’ll get everything you want, but sacrificing part of what you want could mean a long and sustainable future with your partner moving forward. These five tips should help start you on your way if you’re committed to giving more and getting more in return.