To be more sexually intimate with your partner is a beautiful and fulfilling aspect of a relationship. However, it can be challenging to make sure both people are comfortable and happy with the level of intimacy in their lives. This article will help you understand how to communicate your needs more effectively so that you can reach a positive place together.
Get Comfortable Talking About Sex
Talking about sex can be uncomfortable. But it is a normal part of life and if you’re having problems, it is important to talk about it.
How do you talk about sex? You could start with your partner and work from there. If that doesn’t feel comfortable, then try talking with a friend—or even a stranger! The important thing is that you take steps toward being more sexually intimate by communicating your needs and desires in whatever way feels right for you.
Talk about your fantasy life.
Sexual fantasies are a beautiful part of human nature. In their simplest form, they’re just thoughts and feelings about sexual desires that aren’t happening in real life, but we still enjoy thinking about them. For some people, fantasy is a way to enjoy sex without actually having it; for others, it’s an exciting way to make good sex better by adding spice or variety.
Regardless of how you use your fantasies—and whether or not you’ve ever told anyone else about them before—it’s important to recognize the role they play in your life. The more open and honest you can be with yourself and with others about what turns you on (and why), the happier both your sexual relationships and overall sense of self will be.
When it comes time for you to talk about your fantasy life, don’t be afraid of the phrase “fantasy.” Be as descriptive as possible when describing what turns you on, and use language that feels comfortable for both of you. You may want to start by writing out your fantasies first in a journal, or by typing them into an email draft or document on your computer. Once they’re written down, you can share them with someone special and see how they react.
Embrace the awkwardness
“It’s often said that the best sex happens when you’re not thinking about sex, which is why we often feel most comfortable during a hookup when all our attention is on each other and nothing else,” says O’Reilly. “If you’re with someone who makes you feel confident, who won’t judge your body or the noises it makes, then you can be more relaxed, which ultimately leads to better sex.”
Don’t forget to be kind to yourself. If there’s one thing that can kill an intimate moment faster than any other factor, it’s feeling self-conscious—so remember not to take your partner’s reactions too personally; they have no idea what they’re doing either!
A great way of embracing the awkwardness is to give yourself permission to feel self-conscious and let go of judgment. It might sound counterintuitive, but trying not to worry about what your partner thinks about you can actually help you feel more confident, which leads to better sex. That’s because when you’re self-conscious, it’s a sign that something isn’t working for you—your body is telling you something needs attention or maybe just some lube. The less judgmental we are
Be open with your partner and honest with yourself so that both parties know exactly what their bodies like and dislike (and how much lube helps). There will never be a perfect time for this—just go for it now!
How do you want to be touched?
Ask your partner what they don’t like, and why (for example, do you have a ticklish spot that we should avoid?).
If you’re going to touch someone else’s body, ask them if it’s okay first—don’t assume that anything is okay just because it happens naturally in porn movies! Also note: You should never check in with someone who isn’t into being touched or kissed before doing so yourself; this can make things awkward or even unpleasant for everyone involved if there are no clear boundaries set in advance.*
When it comes to sexual intimacy, there is no “wrong” or “right” way to be. The important thing is that you and your partner are both comfortable with what’s happening. If at any point during foreplay or intercourse someone feels uncomfortable or wants something else, then it would be best if they spoke up rather than letting things continue as they were—even if it means stopping altogether
Exploring your partner’s body with your hands is the best way to learn what feels good to them. Touching someone in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable may increase the chance of sexual assault or abuse.
You may want to read:
- The Best Way to Go From Dating to Marriage
- 5 Surprising Reasons You’re Not Getting What You Want In A Relationship
- 7 Ways to Improve Intimacy in a Relationship
Talk about what happened after sex.
Talk about how you feel after sex.
Ask your partner how they feel.
Discuss what you liked, and what you didn’t like.
Let each other know what you would like to try next time, and which things you’d like to do less of or more of.
The more you communicate your sexual needs, the easier it will be to get on the same page. If you’re finding that sex is becoming less satisfying, you may need to talk about what turns each of you on.
If you’re feeling self-conscious about talking, rest assured that it’s perfectly normal. The first few times you have sex can be nerve-racking, but the more often you do it, the easier and more pleasurable it should become.
Satisfying sex is about more than having an orgasm. It’s about being present with your partner, focusing on the sensations, and having a shared experience. If you’re concerned that you’re not enjoying sex as much as you’d like to, keep in mind that it can take a while to feel confident in bed. Sex is always better when both partners are comfortable with themselves and each other.
Say thank you.
When it comes to the more intimate parts of a relationship, one thing that might be easy to forget is gratitude. It’s easy to focus on what you want from your partner and forget about their needs and desires.
This can be anything from saying thank you for making dinner or stopping by with flowers, to having sex as often as possible (or not). Be honest about what makes you feel good in this area of your life, whether that’s talking about it more openly or saying no when something doesn’t feel right.
After all, sex is something both partners should enjoy! So don’t forget to thank your partner for their efforts. Simple things like saying “thank you” or giving them a hug can go a long way.
Have more sex!
Many people are afraid of sex, or they feel guilty about having sex. If you have any of these feelings, it is important to talk with your partner. Your partner can help you overcome these feelings by talking about what is causing your discomfort and seeing if there are ways that he or she can be helpful in working through those issues together.
It is important to remember that sex is not a chore. It’s supposed to be fun! If you are not having fun, then there is something wrong. Talk about what isn’t working for you and ask for advice from your partner. You will find that it helps both of you be more satisfied in the bedroom.
We’re all human, and we all want to be seen as sexual beings—even if we don’t always feel that way. We hope these tips have helped you begin to embrace your sexuality in a way that feels good for both of you.
Remember: It can take time for some of these thoughts and feelings to come out, but keep at it! And remember that everyone has their own unique journey when it comes to figuring out what they like sexually (and how they do or don’t want others involved).